Saturday, May 9, 2009

Any other Sunday

Part of me is trying to ignore the fact that tomorrow is Mother's Day, but it is a bit difficult as I have a mother that I will be spending the day with. I would like to stay home and do normal Sunday activities, but instead will be going to not my usual Sunday mass with my Mother-in-Law and we are all going to the vineyards.

I want to wear a big sign that says, "Don't forget me! I am a mother too! I just don't have my child here. She should have been making my belly nice and big, but she came too soon!" Maybe a sign that says, "Mother to an Angel!" Something anything...

I got a card for Mother's day from my Mother-in-Law yesterday. It was like a mass card so there are people praying for me somewhere. All over really she sends us cards like that all the time, but this one made me cry. She acknowledged the fact that I was a mother and that makes me happy. I am not sure who else will and it hurts a little bit.

I don't think people know what to do for me as far as Mother's day goes. I know what I want is to be thought of as a Mother. I am a Mother. I am a Mother to Lia Rose Grande who was born 22 weeks too soon. I went through labor and delivered her and held her just like any other Mother, but I did not get to come home from the hospital with a baby. I fell in love with my baby girl, who was already an angel. I think that is the most unfair thing!

It is very bitter sweet for me. We are finally able to try again and really she could have been born any day now. My due date was June 4th and then they told me June 1st I was convinced she was coming into this world in May. Unfortunately she came into this world in January.

What do you say when someone asks, "Are you a Mother?" Do you pick and choose who you tell or do you just keep it to yourself. I don't know...but I am not sure I am prepared to hear those words tomorrow.

With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood. ~Isadora Duncan

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