Saturday, June 20, 2009

So sweet

Today I have been thinking about Father's Day very much. I am sad for John, who should have been a dad at this point, celebrating his first Father's Day with his beautiful baby girl. Instead we are celebrating Father's Day quietly at my parents house with no baby girl. It makes me so sad to think about it. It is yet another "hump" that we have to get over. I am hopeful that next Father's Day there will be something to celebrate.

This morning John and I were talking in bed about some of the things that need to get done in the house.

He said, "I should really finish Lia's room."

My eyes welled up with tears, not because I was so sad, but that he referred to the baby's room as Lia's room.

He apologized for saying it, but I simply told him, "It is Lia's room until it isn't. Maybe she is in there playing in the rafters."

John said, "Well then I really should finish it, I bet she would like it."

I simply smiled at him and said, "I bet she would."

It is her room right now. The room is gutted and I look in it and think of all these different things, but mostly I look in it and I think of her. I think of how excited we were and all the plans that we had. That room got put on hold, and that is ok. We will probably start it up again soon. It may be therapeutic for us to work on it. We'll do everything except paint. That will wait until there is another one on the way. Hopefully that will be soon too.

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