Today, Father's day, was tough. I feel so sad and heartbroken for John. We went out to breakfast this morning, stopped to pick up roses and then in the drizzly rain, drive to the cemetery. We went to visit Lia Rose, but also John's dad who is buried in the same cemetery. From his dad you can see where Lia is and and from Lia you can see where his dad is. It is the reason why we picked her spot there.
John placed a dozen orange roses at her tiny grave. He took some pictures of the marker and of the roses at the marker with his phone. While we were in the car he just said, "I should be holding my baby girl and asking my dad for help, but instead I am visiting my baby girl and my dad at the cemetery." All I could think was that this was so unfair.
John is my strength, he is my rock. Today I tried to be his. I hope that I did a good job and I don't know if I did, but I hope so. He has gotten me through the darkest and most difficult of days, through the tears that seemed endless. His arms tightly wrapped around me feels like the safest place in the world. I cannot thank him enough for all that he has done. Father's day is a difficult day when you are missing your dad and your child.
Now, on to the gifts from above. I find coins, mostly pennies, everywhere. I have a jar that I put it all in. Today, I was thinking that it would be really nice to find one and then there in the parking lot of Home Depot in the parking spot next to us was a penny. I picked it up got in the car and showed John saying, "She is thinking about us." We were then on our way to walk around the outlets near our house for a little.
We walked around for a bit and we were walking near the fountain. I turned to John and said, "Maybe I should make a wish with Lia's penny from today."
John said, "No, you always save them, I think you should save it."
No sooner did he say that when he looked down and said, "But why don't you use that Penny?"
I looked down and next to where we were standing at the fountain there was a penny. I picked it up, looked at John and said, "I think we should make a wish."
He agreed, as he held my hand and said, "Let's both wish for the same thing, but not tell each other."
I smiled at him knowing exactly what he was thinking...I hope pennies from heaven can grant wishes. We could use a rainbow.