So, as I am going through this there are certain things that bother me now more than they have before. Some of them have always bothered me, but maybe not to the same degree. The other day, I saw a mother yelling at her child, who appeared to be doing not much wrong and that bothered me. I see parents who just seem so mean to their kids and I was always bothered by it, but now it just strikes a new nerve.
Then, there are my friends with children, and I know that they do not do any of this on purpose, so I do try to remember it. There is only so much that I can take for now though. I am sure that this will change in the future, but for now it is hard. I sat through lunch the other day and listened to a friend complain for quite some time about how there is just no time to do anything since the baby was born. There's no time to clean or go to the doctor or go food shopping and how difficult it was to do anything with the baby. I thought to myself, "Do you realize what I would do to be in your shoes right now?" I don't know what made her finally say, "I should stop complaining now." I wonder if it was the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I wish I could have said something to let her know how hard it was to listen to, but I couldn't and didn't. Often people don't realize the impact what they are saying has until you let them know. I know it was not done on purpose, but I just wish that sometimes others would think about it. It is hard because to them, this happened and it is over. To me, it is a very real part of my life every day.
A day does not go by when I don't think about all the things that should have been. I also wonder about all the things that will be. To others it was something that happened and it is over, many don't really think about it much any more. I do and will for the rest of my life.