He let us know that we have to wait 2 months before we can start trying again. As much as I would like to try now, I know I am not ready emotionally or physically. I think that 2 months is a good amount of time. I also think that is what I was preparing for before the surgery. I was thinking June, which it will almost be. I am anxious for it to be here for so many reasons.
I don't think that I have mixed feeling about conceiving again, I know it is what I want to do. I just have a lot of feelings about it in general. I am excited because I want a family and conceiving is what I have to do to get there. I am nervous on many levels, first I guess I am afraid it is going to take a very long time to conceive. Second, I am nervous about the whole idea of being pregnant again. I was pretty nervous the first time, but I have a strong feeling that this time is going to be worse. I am very in tune to my body and now I think even more so. The innocence of being pregnant without complication has long gone and now I know what could happen and how fast it can happen. I am terrified to go through something like this again and I pray that it will not happen. It is I think the thing that scares me the most, but not enough to say that it is not worth trying again.
I will be going back to work on Monday and that makes me a little nervous. I know that I have the flexibility at my job to take breaks when necessary which is a good thing. I also know that I have the support of friends and administration within the buildings that I work. I am glad that I only have a week and a half to work before the Easter vacation.