Friday, March 27, 2009

rainy days

It is really amazing how much the weather impacts my mood especially lately. I have been doing pretty well, then all of a sudden we get a rainy day and hits me like a ton of bricks. It used to have a little effect on me, but now it is multiplied. The sun is out today which is much better for me on many levels. It also helps that it actually feels like spring time outside, that whole new beginnings things seems to coincide with the beginning of spring. Good timing I suppose.

This weekend will be a tough one for me. Saturday was supposed to be my baby shower. I can't help but think that I should have a big belly right now and be due in just about two months, but I am not. Again, I get the feeling that I was pregnant in another lifetime, but it was just about 3 months ago. It is amazing what the mind does to help you cope I guess.

June still doesn't seem so far away, it is going to be bittersweet for me. I was due on June 4th a day and week that I am not really looking forward to for what was supposed to happen. I am going to see Phish on June 4th and 5th and that is something I am looking forward to. June is also right around the time that we can start to try again. It seems like in June it is almost full circle. We can try to conceive again in the same month that our baby girl should have been born. It's a tough one, but maybe the best way to honor her is to be able to conceive. Part of me wishes it would happen in June just because of what it would mean, I am not quite sure I can explain it. I guess the best way would be that it would really make me feel like Lia is up there and looking after us. In a way it would be like she was coming back to us or sending us a new little soul at the same time she should have been born to us. Does it make sense? I don't know, but somehow it seems comforting to me. Time will tell...Time...that is a whole other story, maybe another day.

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