Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair

I think there might be a baby boom at the moment. I do believe that I know more pregnant people right now than I have ever known in my life. I try very hard to be happy for all of them, but sometimes it is really tough. I know that it isn't their fault, and I know that I should be happy for them, but there is part of me that just thinks about the fact that I should be there with them. I'd be 7 months pregnant now with a big belly and having a baby within months of some friends. I don't know, I wish it were different. I wish I were pregnant still, but I am not and I have to deal with it and I am dealing with it, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

Saturday should have been my baby shower. It was a hard day, but I guess it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was sad at times, but I didn't have a complete breakdown. John and I went out east to Martha Clara and took a wine and chocolate class. It was delicious! The chocolates were made with the wine and they were all truffles. It definitely helped out a bunch at least kept my mind off of the fact that I should have been sitting at my baby shower having fun and being very excited. I know that there will be another one, at another time, but it doesn't make it any easier. What would things be like if I were still pregnant? It's a question I think about, but try not to dwell on.

I want to be happy for everyone and it is just so hard. I feel bad that I can't be happier. I think I have been doing a pretty good job at it. Some are just harder than others. All I can do is the best that I can!

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